Rated X, The Panty Party at Don Hills - 511 Greenwich St. at Spring St.
More photos available via RandomNightOut.com

UPCOMING NIGHTLIFE ON NEIGHBORBEE:

The 2nd Gawker Commenter’s Ball
Friday, July 25th
Café Charbon - 170 Orchard Street
7:00pm

Cuddle Party!
Saturday, July 26, 2008
12:00pm - 3:30pm
$30 per person, 2 for $50!
Click here to Register

Quentins Anonymous Party
Wednesday, July 30th
Madame X - 94 W Houston
7:00pm - 10:00pm
RSVP here

Movie "Better Off Dead"
Wednesday, July 30th
Tompkins Square Park
Starts at Dusk

Bittersweets Two Year Anniversary!
Saturday, July 26th
Bittersweets - 37 Broadway
btw. Dunham Pl. and Wythe Avenue
South Williamsburg
6pm-11pm

The Nasty Jam Dance Party
Thursday, July 24th
The Bodega
1089 Broadway, at Dodworth Street
$5 cover / 9pm-10pm

McCarren Park Pool Parties
Sunday, July 27th
McCarren Park Pool
Lorimer St. btw. Driggs and Bayard
2:00pm

This week the metro, the Daily News, and the Times ran stories about the dangers of overheated playground safety mats. These days playground burns are increasingly common and two of the papers share the story of an infant who suffered second and third-degree burns from a mat at Carl Schurz Playground that reached 166 degrees. Warning: If you’re squeezy about looking at pictures of burns, do not click on any of those links.

Unfortunately, there hasn’t been much of a solution for moms of children who suffered burns. Some are suing the city, but none of the cases have gotten very far in the courts. Adrian Benepe, the commissioner for of the Department of Parks and Recreation, advises against walking barefoot on the mats. While I agree, I also know that kids will be kids. Somehow, someway, a random body part will be in contact with the mat. I also like the idea of canopies or more shaded playgrounds, but as the nearly 100 comments on the Times piece proves, that’s merely a suburban wonder.

What do you think? What are your favorite playgrounds in the city? And do you have any playground stories; injury-related or otherwise?

A:  Greetings, Dating Fan.  And thanks for the lay-up.  Just so
happens your intrepid dater went on the most interestingly awkward
date of his life this past weekend.  I guess what I’m saying is if you
can’t impress someone with a Mozzarepa anymore maybe it’s time you
brought them to the Museum of Sex.

I met up on Saturday with a girl for an impromptu sixth or seventh
date.  I remember using the phrase “beat the heat” far too often and
it was suggested we find a museum.  If you replace the letter h with
the letter m in that phrase, you quickly get “beat the meat.”  This
horrible innuendo is the only logical reason I can discern for how we
ended up at the Museum of Sex at four o’clock on what previously was a
very un-sexy afternoon.  We were shocked to discover that several
other New Yorkers had the same idea as we stood on a line twenty deep
for tickets.  A sort of anticipatory buzz seemed to grip the line (or
just me) as it became impossible to not sexualize everyone and
everything (after all, these were sexy people who make it a point to
fill their free time with sexy activities).

Upon entering the first gallery we were met with a paper mache
sculpture of a small ape with a pencil thin hard-on.  Great date so
far.  The entire room was comprised of sculptures in the same fashion,
reminiscent of the final project of the best student in your studio
art class senior year of high school.  There was a sculpture of a
panda mounting another panda from behind only to be trumped by a piece
depicting a doe mounted by a stag who was being taken by yet another
stag.  It had no title, but my best guess is “Bambi Orgy.”  My
favorite was the dolphin whose boner was penetrating the blowhole of
another dolphin.  This room took all of two minutes to experience and
left my date and I wondering what we had just paid $8.50 to see.  A
trip upstairs confirmed for us that perverse amateur sculpture was not
the main draw, rather the thing to see (as well as be seen seeing) at
the Museum of Sex is lots and lots of graphic, hard-core porn.

Standing in a darkened room, in the middle of which hung a wall of
televisions, our eyes were met with the moving images of anal sex, and
not the wholesome, heterosexual kind (not your mother’s anal sex, if
you will).  To our left was an installation about celebrities in porn.
I stood beside my date, as well as two girls who looked like NYU
students and an awkward Korean thirty-something lady, as we watched
Paris Hilton give head on a 54-inch screen.  “Where is it you said
your brother lives?” I asked while noting the impressive solidness of
Rick Solomon’s member.  My date wondered aloud as to whether or not
Paris knew she was daily on display in a fancy, New York City museum
and despite the setting, I have to say it did class up her image a
little.  Another video gave us detailed instruction in the art of
sexual massage, or as I like to call it, hippie foreplay.  As we
watched clips from Deep Throat and saw some of the best money shots
from the 70s, 80s and today I had to pretend, for my date’s sake, that
I hadn’t already seen every one of these videos (even the one
featuring water sports).  I was honest enough to remark that the cost
of admission just seemed like a surcharge on my normal, home Internet
use.  Truly, the most remarkable aspect of this date was not the
awkward way I carried a book before my crotch the entire time, but the
relative ability for the thirty to forty New Yorkers gathered inside
this communal porn theater not to snicker or even act like anything
out of the ordinary was going on.  I guess seeing people dying on the
streets has a way of jading a populace.

The last room of the museum is full of old-timey and new-timey sex
contraptions.  There are a few machines (read “power tools with dildos
attached to them”) that can be activated by pushing a red button.
They even have a Real Doll (think Lars and the Real Girl) torso behind
plexi-glass with holes cut out so you can feel the realistic-ness of
the breasts and vagina.  You haven’t truly let down a wall with a new
partner until you’ve taken them to a museum and had them watch you
finger a technologically advanced blow-up doll.  On the way out of the
building there is of course a gift shop where all manner of sex toys
and dong oriented coffee table books can be purchased (I smell
Chanukah!).

So, there you have it.  If you’ve been in a relationship for years
and still haven’t gotten your partner to watch porn with you, suggest
an educational trip to the “museum.”  If you’ve been dating someone
for a few weeks and want to experience vertigo brought on by
discomfort, suggest an educational trip to the “museum.”  Enjoy.  And
if you end up taking your date home immediately afterwards for
libidinous sex, make sure you shoot me an email and tell me how you
pulled that off (pun intended?).

-El Hans

However, I will warn it was definitely one of the noisier brunch locales I have tried so if you have a pounding headache, need to have a deep conversation, or are bringing perhaps more audibly sensitive guests with you, I might recommend you hold off on this one.

All entrees come with a complimentary mimosa, glass of sangria, soda, or juice. Their sandwiches that passed by looked quite good, and the fries can’t help but look good when opting for a 2pm brunch. Their salad portions were also quite generous.

Being so late, I even skipped my typical sweet faves (waffles, pancakes, or french toast) in favor of trying Nolita House’s much-appropriately-hyped macaroni and cheese. It was made using gemelli pasta and came with a large helping of panko bread crumbs crowning the dish. And I can vouch, this one reheats nicely.

My sister’s vanilla bourbon french toast (seriously?!?) was amazing. The summary on the menu on their website really says it all… “brioche soaked in vanilla bourbon custard, rolled in French crepes with nutella maple syrup”. I was intriuged seeing as it was rolled in crepes. Would it be soggy? I’ve had cornflake crusted french toast, but never something as potentially soggy as crepes. Verdict? Definitely a keeper (albeit a bit on the sweeter side for those of you who are more savory brunch-goers).

Only thing I was not quite sold on was their biscuit. It was a very flat thing, quite wide in circumference. When I split into it with the knife to add in the butter and orange marmalade, it crumbled like crazy. I’ve still yet to find some amazing biscuits in the city, with Clinton Street Baking Company being the best I’ve had to date.

Brunch runs both on Saturday and Sunday from 11am to 4pm. They claim it’s a bluegrass brunch. However seeing as they were blaring Red Hot Chili Peppers while we were there, I am unsure if we just caught them on an off weekend or if that’s more of a nod to their cuisine. Regardless, service is good and it’s defintely one to try. It was quite crowded when we were there, so I would recommend reservations.

Nolita House - 47 East Houston Street (between Mott and Mulberry) - 212.625.1712

I’m writing this on Sunday, a few hours after my friend (and fellow Brooklyn resident) James completed the 2008 New York City Triathlon. The race consisted of a 1.5 kilometer swim (in the Hudson!), a 40 kilometer bike ride around the Upper West Side, and a 10 kilometer run around the loop in Central Park

James’ wife, their families, and their friends joined thousands of spectators in unusually high heat and humidity to cheer him on. We were supporting him for two reasons: first, his amazing transformation. The James I knew from college was a beer-drinking foodie who spent many an afternoon doing nothing more strenuous than reaching for a bag of chips from his perch on the couch. Now he was swimming, biking, and running further and faster than I’ve ever attempted.

The second reason is more complicated. This contest wasn’t just about surprising his friends with his hidden athletic ability.

In James’ own words, from his blog:

I have decided to do this triathlon for another reason as well. As many who will end up reading this blog know, in the spring of 2007, my wife’s mother passed away after a long battle with lung cancer. It has left a hole in our collective families that will never be repaired and is, without question, the saddest thing I have ever been through in my entire life. From a personal perspective, going through this process has been incredibly frustrating. There is nothing you can do, nothing to do, except be there. For a person who always wants to be able to “fix it” there is nothing worse than just “being there.”

Towards the end, when she was very sick, my wife and I were at the house and for whatever reason the conversation turned to charitable giving. With what little strength she had, my mother-in-law gave a passionate description of the lack of interest in, and thus lack of financial support for, lung cancer research. I thought, now this is something I can do. I decided that for my wife’s birthday, we would make a donation to lung cancer research in [her mother's] honor. Sadly, between that conversation and [my wife's] birthday, her mother passed away. I also came to the realization that I wanted to do more than just make a donation. I wanted to raise awareness, and I wanted to make a LARGE donation. Enter the triathlon….

I am going to be competing in the triathlon to raise money for lung cancer research and awareness….

So this is for me, this is for Ilene, and this is to try to help make it so that others don’t have to suffer the pain and loss that my wife’s family has had to over the last 3 years.

As of last week, James has raised over $6,500 for the Lung Cancer Alliance. The donations made in his name have been so numerous, that the Development Director and other employees of the Lung Cancer Alliance paid him a visit to thank him in person.

So today was race day. James’ parents flew in from Minnesota. His wife made a t-shirt (above; the front reads “Go James Go!”), I made a poster, and there were three sets of buttons with James’ face superimposed over an athlete’s body for us to wear: one for the swim (”Swim James Swim!”), one for the bike ride (”Pedal James Pedal!”), and one for the run (”Run James Run!”).

But things didn’t turn out as well as we’d hoped. James’ wife called me early this morning to tell me that James had been disqualified. He’d panicked, swallowed water, and couldn’t breathe during the swim. He also miscalculated by getting into the water first instead of letting the faster swimmers go ahead of him - so he was literally getting run over by other swimmers. When the medics removed him from the water, that was it. But the loss of an “official” race time didn’t stop him. Once cleared by the medics, James finished the swim and got on his bike.

We stationed ourselves, our posters, and our pins on 72nd Street to catch him during the last leg of the race. His wife spotted James about 100 feet away, and she ran with him for half a block as we cheered and screamed and waved. The second she returned to our group, his wife burst into tears - of happiness, disbelief, grief, amazement.

We chose another spot about 500 feet from the finish line, and even after almost six miles over hills in 90 degree heat, James was still going strong. He finished the triathlon in 3:32:19. In true James fashion, he made sure to hug each and every one of us tight to his extremely sweaty body.

Afterwards, we had a little celebration for him at a local restaurant. James was already talking about next year’s race.

If you’re interested in learning more about James’ training or in donating to the Lung Cancer Alliance in James’ name, please visit his blog.

GO SEE THIS!

Tearing The Veil of Maya (Sunday July 20, 8:00 PM; Union Hall, 702 Union Street *BROOKLYN*) - Downtown comedy heroes Eugene Mirman and Michael Showalter celebrate the second anniversary of their always super-talented show.

EDIT: Sold out!

WHY YOU SHOULD GO

Since his long-running show in the East Village ended this past winter, Union Hall is the place to get your constant source of Mirman. His offbeat worldview and complete confidence in his odd ideas win nearly every crowd over. Showalter is amazing, as 10 years performing comedy on film (The State; Wet Hot American Summer) and live (the far-superior-to-the-show Stella tours) would lead you to believe. And the guests they get for their shows (David Cross, Aziz Ansari, Mike Birbiglia) are worth twice the price of admission themselves.

VIDEO OF THE WEEK

12 Seconds (written by Chris Kelly; starring Winston Noel, Andree Vermeulen, Nate Shelkey; directed by Mitch Magee)

Want to see your show or video featured in this column? E-mail me and let me know!

The schedule of summer events in NYC is like my group of friends on a bender: it just don’t stop!

August Activities Around NYC:

Monday, July 28th-Friday, August 1st
Restaurant Week
Enjoy prix fixe lunches at selected restaurants for $24.07 and prix fixe dinners for $35. Please your pals by scoring a great reservation at one of the more than 200 participating restaurants, but make sure they know to bring cash. Order the wine and tip the wait staff generously.
www.nycvisit.com/restaurantwee

July 22nd-August 17th
Shakespeare in the Park
Hair: The American Tribal Love-Rock Musical featuring Jonathan Groff (Spring Awakening)
Get up early and stand in line at Central Park, 81st Street entrance near the Delacorte Theater. Good luck!
www.publictheater.org/content/view/126/219

Thursday, August 7th-Sunday, August 24th
Lincoln Center Out of Doors
As one of the largest free summer festivals in the country, Out of Doors aims at attracting the local community by featuring dance, music and poetry performance. All events take place outside, are free and do not require tickets. All performances will be held in Damrosch Park on Lincoln Center’s campus during the renovation.
www.lincolncenter.org

Saturday, August 16th at 3 p.m.
Free Walking Tour, one hour
These free tours are led by knowledgeable volunteers of Friends of Hudson River Park. Come walk the Village segment of Hudson River Park, and get a unique lesson about the rich history of the neighborhood and its waterfront. Meet at the foot of Hudson River Park’s Pier 45 at Christopher Street in front of the info booth to enjoy a pleasant and informative one-hour walk, weather permitting.
www.fohrp.org/fohrp2.php?screen=events#Walking%20Tours

Tuesday, August 19th, 8 p.m. at 55 Water St
Movie Night on the Elevated Acre, River to River NYC
Killer’s Kiss (67 minutes, 1955)
In Stanley Kubrick’s first feature film, the streets of Manhattan come alive in the brilliant black and white cinematography.
www.rivertorivernyc.com

Monday nights
HBO Bryant Park Movie Festival
This popular festival continues through August 18th.
www.bryantpark.org/calendar/film-festival.php

Tuesday nights until August 19th
Stars of Tomorrow, Pier 45 at Christopher St at 6:30 p.m.
See tomorrow’s jazz and classical virtuoso’s today. Tuesdays hit a high note with jazz and classical performances from Mannes College, The New School for Music and The New School for Jazz and Contemporary Music on one of Hudson River Park’s most beautiful piers by star students from around the city.
www.hudsonriverpark.org/events.asp

Thursday nights in August
Movies with a View at Brooklyn Bridge Park
Check the website to find out what movies will be playing at Empire-Fulton Ferry State Park.
http://www.brooklynbridgepark.org/index.cfm?objectid=EF670B44-3048-2C77-F20C2202337458ED

Thursdays at 7:30 p.m.
30th Annual Seaside Summer Concert Series
This weekly concert series runs through August features an amazing line-up, including Smokey Robinson and Liza Minelli.
Asser Levy/Seaside Park at West 5th Street and Surf Avenue in Coney Island/Brighton Beach, across the street from the New York Aquarium.
www.brooklynconcerts.com/seaside.html

Friday mornings through August
Today Show’s Toyota Concert Series
Live music is a great way to start your workday.
http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/3041478

Friday mornings through August
Good Morning America’s Concert Series
The cast of Broadway’s Rent and the Jonas Brothers are slated to perform in August.
www.bryantpark.org/calendar/gma-concerts.php

Every Friday Night
Rubin Museum
Happy Hour and DJ 6-7 p.m., free admission to museum 7-10 p.m.
www.rmanyc.org/programs-events/index.xml

Friday nights until August 22nd
Sunset on the Hudson, Pier 45 at Christopher St. at 7:00 p.m.
Every Friday, enjoy the beautiful sunset and mellow sounds of New York’s acclaimed guitar man David Ippolito from this spectacular grass-covered pier that stretches 900 feet into the majestic Hudson River.
www.hudsonriverpark.org/events.asp

Friday nights through Labor Day
Fireworks on the Beach, Coney Island
D/F/N/Q trains to Stillwell Avenue (last stop).
Astroland and Deno’s Wonder Wheel Park sponsor fireworks at 9:30 every Friday night during the season.
www.coneyisland.com/tourism.shtml

Saturdays through September 6th
P.S. 1 Warm-Up
Celebrate the tenth anniversary of Warm Up, the critically-acclaimed series of live music and DJ acts that has become one of New York’s most exciting and anticipated summer events.
$10, 3-9 pm every Saturday, Long Island City
www.ps1.org

Weekends through September 27th
Rooftop Films 2008 Summer Series
This series will run every weekend until September 27, screening 19 feature films and over 150 short films in 38 screenings, in in a dozen spectacular outdoor locations all over the city. All screenings include live music before the films, and most screenings include after-parties with free drinks. Tickets are just $9, or $6 online in advance for select shows.
www.rooftopfilms.com/08-summerseries.html

Saturday nights through September 17th, 8:30 p.m.
Coney Island Film Society
Coney Island Museum, 1208 Surf Ave. (between Stillwell Ave. and W. 12th St)
Tickets $5, $3 for Film Society members. Doors open at 8pm Pre-show at 8:15pm featuring classic drive in trailers, shorts, old commercials and more. Free Popcorn!
www.coneyisland.com/films.shtml

Ongoing until Mid-October
Waterfalls at Brooklyn Bridge
From the website: “Commissioned by the Public Art Fund, the project consists of four monumental, man-made waterfalls installed for three months at four sites along the shores of Brooklyn, Manhattan, and Governors Island.”
Visit Jaime’s neighborbeeblog post for more information.

CityParks Foundation
More than 100 free concerts and arts events in city parks through August, check website for schedule.
www.cityparksfoundation.org/index.aspx?lobid=710

Central Park SummerStage
SummerStage is a performing arts festival that runs on a Central Park stage until August.
Check the website for a full listing of shows, most are free:
www.summerstage.org

South Street Seaport Music Festival, ongoing
Free outdoor concerts at the Seaport all summer long, check website for full schedule.
www.seaportmusicfestival.com

River to River Festival, ongoing
This festival is NYC’s largest free summer arts festival with over 500 music, dance and cultural events through mid-September.
Check the website for upcoming performances:
www.rivertorivernyc.com

Riverside Park Fund
Visit this site to learn about a myriad of outdoor movies, family events and theater performances that take place in Riverside Park on the Upper West Side.
www.riversideparkfund.org/calendar

Photo by Philocrites on Flickr.

With one owner from the Philippines and the other from India, the chef here has opted to take a new spin on American, subtly adding elements common to those two countries to the dishes. Be sure to note the temperature controlled wine room to your right as you go to your seat and to peruse their creative drink menu. I recommend the 8th Wonder, which is chai infused for a little additional kick.

In place of standard sliced bread, each table instead receives fresh naan along with a cucumber raita. If you’re watching carbs, this is one which is splurge-worthy. Portion sizes at this restaurant were just right. Appetizers come big enough to share, but small enough to not overwhelm. The crab meat resala was perfect for sharing. The crab meat was fresh and the gnocchi was different from any I had ever tried before - more crunchy than the typical chewy pasta presentation. The dayboat sea scallops were also quite good. Three decent sized scallops were included and the pairing of the scallops with meyer lemon really brought out their flavor. The menu claimed oxtail was a part of this dish. Thankfully if it was present, it was a subtle addition.

For main courses, the halibut was good but probably not the highlight of the meal. The coconut included in the dish was subtle, and ironically the tapioca was what provided a good balance to the flakiness of the fish. My date had the duck. I am not typically a big fan of duck as I find it to usually be heavy and greasy. Their’s was actually very well done and along with the cardamom was visually quite a colorful and attractive dish.

Coming in, I had read mixed opinions from diners on the desserts. If you’ve read my other reviews though, you’ll note I am a big fan of desserts so it would take some pretty serious lack of skills to disappoint me that badly. The fried milk donuts made with rose water, ginger custard, and chai gelato were amazing. Definitely the best out of the desserts. The dish came with three round donuts and a small scoop of the chai gelato. I’ve been craving chai gelato ever since. The other dessert I tried was the Chocolate Financier, which was served with a curry peanut butter ganach and chocolate brittle. This one was definitely denser and very chocolatey, but was also good. I think it would have been too much though without the donuts to balance it out.

33 West 8th Street at Macdougal Street - 212.677.3833 - Reservations Recommended

Media Meshing 3G - Sweet & Vicious - 5 Spring St. NY
More photos available via RandomNightOut.com

UPCOMING NIGHTLIFE ON NEIGHBORBEE:

Street Party & Art Opening
Thursday, July 17th
White Box Exhibition Space
525 West 26 Street
6:00pm - 11:00pm.

The Porno Jim Show
Thursday, July 17th
The Slipper Room
167 Orchard St. at Stanton St.
8:00pm

NC-17
Thursday July 17th
Lit - 93 2dn Ave (btwn 5th & 6th St.)
Open Bar 12 - 12:30am

TRASH
Friday, July 18th
40 Avenue C
Ave C at 3rd St.
10:00pm

Rated X: The Panty Party
Saturday July 19th
Don Hills
511 Greenwich (corner of Spring)
10:00pm

Free Friday Night Concerts

In the true spirit of the The Boss, Sunnyside Gardens Park is offering the free S#*% to the workin’ man. So when you clock out from that 9 to 5, you can live out the song that plays in my head all day Friday — “Everybody’s Workin’ for the Weekend!”

Life is sweet! Taste the nectar! Smell the roses! Hear the music! And come on down to the only park in Queens (maybe the world) where you can buy a big ‘ol roasted chicken ($7), enjoy a cold Coors Light or Budweiser ($2) and listen to a badass Jazz band (freakin’ free).

Normally a private park, take advantage of this shindig every Friday through August 1st for a festive, laid-back hoe-down great for the family or just suckin’ down a cheap cold beer while you wiggle your toes in the grass. But bring your own bamboo umbrellas.

Sunnyside Gardens Park
Fridays at 7:00 p.m. through August 1st
718-672-1555
48-21 39th Avenue
Between 48th and 50th Streets
(7 train to 46th Street)
Sunnyside, New York

SPRINGSTEEN OF THE WEEK! SPRINGSTEEN OF THE WEEK!

THE GROCERY SHOPPING CREW

From Trouble River:

Woke up last night a’shakin’
Shakin’ from a dream
All I seen was smilin’ faces
Starin’ back at me

Trouble river
Six foot high and risin’
Trouble river
I can’t keep from cryin’

Look at the photos. Check out the crazy eyes. Spell it with me: T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

In the words of the Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV, they “WILL BREAK YOU.”

How did they get here? The sky parted and they floated down on clouds.

Who are they? Rusty Chapman. Amy Tunis. Anthony Tunis. Sebra Chapman. (She looks sweet in this photo. Do not be deceived. )

What are they? Americans. Badasses. Success Stories. Grocery Shoppers.

What is a grocery shopper?

Grocery Shoppper \’gros-ery ’shop-ur\ noun <slang>

1: Anyone who purchases, or takes (with or without consent), items to go that otherwise would be consumed on the premises.

2: I coined the term from my future brother-in-law Matthew Chumard (pictured above) , a Philly native, who will walk up to Pat’s and buy 10 cheesesteaks and freeze nine of them. Grocery shopping. He will come over to your house and right before he leaves, wrap two pieces of bread in a napkin. “See yous later.” Grocery shopping.

My point is. These guys took grocery shopping to another level.

When faced with an extra two shots of Jack Daniels in the pretentious Oyster Bar Saloon, Anthony Tunis said, “I don’t give a shit. I’m from Arizona” and he dumped the booze into a water bottle. Sebra “the destroyer” Chapman quickly slipped it into a Sebra’s backpack and we were on our way.

Rusty Chapman has seen disappointment. He has felt pain. But on his last night in town he would not accept failure. When he couldn’t force down his last Indian empanada in the restaurant, Amy Tunis shouted, “PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET!” He calmly picked up his fat booze-filled hand, unzipped his cargo short pocket and stuffed it right in. Half an hour later, riding the N train, he yanked that empanada right out of his pocket, toasted his crew like it was a martini, and stuffed it down his pie hole.

Sebra Chapman, outrunning the rest of our crew of runners, stopped to “dance it out” until we caught up to her. She also had to courage to sing multiple “B-Girl” songs at Pub karaoke. She shoved it right down that crowd’s throat. And took their dignity. She grocery-shopped it.

Be afraid of this crew. Be very, very afraid.

Quotes:

Amy Tunis: (referring to Rusty walking up the stairs) Look at you, you BOW-LEGGED FREAK!

Rusty Chapman: (while straddling me passed out in bed) My liver is crushing your liver! My liver is pumping twice as fast as yours! See, Nate thinks he’s gonna lose weight, do Yoga, but he can’t handle this! (My fiance finally had to intervene to restrain him. “Leave him alone!” Grocery shoppers have no mercy.)

Anthony Tunis: What? I can’t be drunk . . . another rum and coke please.

Sebra Chapman: You can’t talk to me while I run. (And we didn’t.)

Special Drink:

The Russian Gentleman

A savory yet gritty beverage of Gentleman’s Jack, Kahlua and milk. It will rock your world. And maybe someone else close to you, by aftershock.

Theme Song:

Short People from the album Little Criminals by Randy Newmann
(Possibly the most disturbing performance in modern live music history. Watch it. You will lose your mind.)

Springsteen of the Week? Easy. Cakewalk. It was such a total domination of the greater NYC area, who knows . . . these guys could be candidates for Springsteen of the YEAR! If I don’t give it to them, they’ll probably grocery-shop it from me. Stay tuned as the story unfolds!

-BSOQ