It’s scheduled to be another big week for New York art. It’s also scheduled to be another big week for romance, smoochin’ and lovin’ you down, girl. So get on your party hats, put on your dancing shoes, and then take them both off, because you’re going to some art exhibits. Honestly, why would you put on dancing shoes and party hats to go to an art gallery? I can’t take you anywhere. Sometimes I don’t even know why I try.

Follow the jump for all the ups and downs about what you’ll need to know.

Read the rest of this entry »

read comments (0)

What a week it has been. First, it’s too hot. Then, it’s too rainy. Then, it’s too hot while it’s rainy. Keeps a lot of people indoors, that’s for sure. Personally, I was taking advantage of my localized weather machine. Around me, it’s always 72 and sunny. Unless things get a little sweaty. You know what I’m talking about, ladies! Women love it when you’re sweaty. Sweaty and hairy; two things that will never stop being attractive to women.

What’s worse is that the weather is supposed to be rainy, humid, stupid, and "going skinny dipping with a girl I had a crush on in third grade", too. I hate that weather so much!

But like the French say, "If you can’t beat them, join them." So pay no mind what kind of weather is raining on you, or snowing on you, or blowing on you (oh wait, no!). Get out and enjoy some freakin’ art!

Read the rest of this entry »

read comments (0)

This week I hit up David Byrne ’s new sonic installation at the Battery Maritime Building. If you don’t know him, he was a founding member of The Talking Heads back in the day. Using a variety of electric motors he’s made it possible to play the entire building as though it were a huge musical instrument. It’s completely mind blowing.

Here’s how to wrap your mind around this. If this were an SAT question it would look like this: “Complete this analogy; building:instrument as _______:silly” and you’d of course answer “c: Pan Flute” and then end up going to Harvard. Congratulations! You just got into Harvard!

Follow the jump to read some more.

Read the rest of this entry »

read comments (0)

Did you know that today is the Museum Mile Festival????? If you did, don’t gloat about it because no one likes a braggart. If you didn’t, aren’t I so great for letting you know about it? You’re welcome. You can send checks directly to me (just put my first name on the envelope, the post office knows who I am).

I recommend you leave your stuffy apartment and go up there right now (provided that you’re reading this between 6-9pm give or take about 45 minutes for travel time). That’s 23 car-free blocks and free admission to all 9 of the most famous museums in the country included within. To me this seems like a deal that you can’t pass up. Just like that gold selling business that I sent all my gold into. I’m going to get cash for my unused gold! What could possibly go wrong?

Follow the jump for some more information about what to make sure you visit since this thing can be kinda nuts. Just like our sponsor, Almond Joy Candy Bars. Almond Joy: Coconut and Nuts Aren’t A Candy, So We Put Chocolate On It.™ Read the rest of this entry »

read comments (0)

Did everyone enjoy their Memorial Day weekend? I sure did. I jumped out of bed in my feetie pajamas as soon the clock chimed 6 o’clock, slid down the fireman pole, and stared with wide-eyed joy at the spread that St. Memorial Day had brought me. There was so many Flag chocolates sitting in the baseball hats that we’d hung from the door knobs. The Royal Oak that we’d chopped down earlier that week looked so majestic. And then there was the gifts! Oh my! Let’s just say that St. Memorial Day was very generous.

So on to the art! It was a mostly slow week since all the galleries are either taking it easy it preparation for everyone being out of town, or ramping up for the up-coming summer shows. The good news is that there is still some art to be had. So we loaded up the Rolls and headed out to see the Telectroscope under the Brooklyn Bridge. What happened to our Handsome Hero? Follow the jump!

Read the rest of this entry »

read comments (0)

These past few days were really fun, filled with lots of things to do and see here in New York. And you blew it.

Don’t feel bad, I didn’t see most of it anyway. International Contemporary Furniture Fair? Read about that on the new Interwebs. Creativity Now Conference? More like ‘Creativity Last Week Conference’! The New York Photo Festival? Yeah, got pretty close to seeing it but didn’t. I’m not Superman. I just love money. Are those even the same thing? I don’t think so. Regardless, I didn’t kill that man.

Here are some things that look like they would help make you feel better about missing those other great things. And if you did go to those events that I somehow missed while I was shooting around on my jetpack, watch your back. Because if you’re bragging about it, I’ll drop my soda on you from way up high with my jetpack. Take that, you smug jerk.

Read the rest of this entry »

read comments (0)

(img via XKCD )

Ugh, what a night. You should have seen it. So I had just gotten back from an international jewel heist (it went well by the way), and I’m walking into my penthouse and I look up and what do I see? It’s a surprise party! “But it’s not my birthday,” I protested. Turns out one of my butlers had the wrong date. Oh well. I’ll never pass up a party.

Bottom line, that’s why I missed my post this week. But I’ll be back next week with something awesome.

In the meantime, here’s a round up of what’s new(ish) and happening(ism?) in New York Art.

Read the rest of this entry »

read comments (0)

At last, I’m back to my duly appointed rounds in the art world. This week I took time out of my busy schedule of posing for statues and writing beautiful love poems, and went to see Lots of Things Like This at Apex Art . The show was curated by Dave Eggers of McSweeney’s and A Heart Breaking Work Of Staggering Genius fame, which is no small footnote to make. As a writer he’s good, but as an organizer and editor he’s phenomenal. He has an fantastic eye for mixing art and comedy, just like how I have an eye for the finer things in life like RingDings and smooth jazz music.

Read the rest of this entry »

read comments (0)

Art! Art! Art! Woo Hoo!

Boy, it seemed like last week I had a million awesome exhibits to go to and a line of models/actresses that wanted nothing more than to party. Now, the parties are over, the exhibits are closed, and I’ve got piles of sexy lingerie littering my penthouse apartment.

Because of this turn of events, I’ll take to rounding up some minor things that have been going on around that would be worth visiting. If you’ve got other good recommendations for me, send them along. Oh and if you’re left some of your sexy lingerie at my penthouse, please come by, because that stuff is starting to smell.

Read the rest of this entry »

read comments (0)

First of all, I freaking love Ryan McGinley’s photography. His eye for composition is great, but more importantly, his photos also seem to effortlessly capture an energy and passion that are rarely seen anywhere. If I were the kind of person that no one wanted to talk to at a party I’d say, “he captures what it means to be a free spirit.” Thankfully, I’m incredibly handsome, charming, and wonderfully popular at parties, so I don’t say things like that.

Read the rest of this entry »

read comments (0)