Holding Hans with Brian Hansbury: Manscaping
Q: P. Diddy got me thinking this week. What percentage of men are practiced in the art of manscaping? Is this something a girl expects me to have done?
Signed,
Bushy In Bushwick
A: Allure Magazine quoted P. Diddy this week as saying he shaves and grooms his private areas marking the 5,826th time I’ve heard something about P. Diddy and not given a shit. But I guess there are a lot of fellas out there like you, Bushy, who have no concept of personal hair care and might be taken aback by the concept of trimming the old pube hedge, of whacking the old dick weeds
According to Phillips Norelco, 50% of men aged 20 to 49 engage in some type of body grooming (as in, not the face or neck). That’s about the only fact on the subject that I could find and it’s pretty suspect since Phillips’ obviously wants men to feel comfortable grooming themselves in the interest of selling more of their products. This “fact” is about as verifiable as the Nazis claiming 50% of Jews were “up in the air” on whether or not concentration camps were a good thing.
Whether or not a girl in this post-post-modern era expects it, manscaping should be a part of any guy’s regular routine. We can all agree that the worst thing about oral sex is when it’s over and with the elimination of rogue hairs that might induce choking there’s no need for interruptions or stoppages. Oral sex can now last until someone gets lockjaw. Also, say you have a very small penis or even a very large penis. Either way, slicing that chaff away from the wheat stalk will make your member look even bigger. It’s the same concept as when you move furniture around in a room to make it look bigger. Sadly, the room isn’t any bigger, but it looks and feels like it is. And that’s important to a room’s self-esteem.
If you’re still not sold on adding one more weekly chore to your life try to remember that the more you look like a boy, the less angry your lady can be with you when you actually act like a boy. It’s not your fault you ate all the cookies she baked to give to friends in the neighborhood, you don’t even have pubes yet.
Hope that helps and happy shearing!
Love,
Hans
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