The Bruce Springsteen of Queens: Fun in the Sun at Sunnyside Gardens Park

Free Friday Night Concerts

In the true spirit of the The Boss, Sunnyside Gardens Park is offering the free S#*% to the workin’ man. So when you clock out from that 9 to 5, you can live out the song that plays in my head all day Friday — “Everybody’s Workin’ for the Weekend!”

Life is sweet! Taste the nectar! Smell the roses! Hear the music! And come on down to the only park in Queens (maybe the world) where you can buy a big ‘ol roasted chicken ($7), enjoy a cold Coors Light or Budweiser ($2) and listen to a badass Jazz band (freakin’ free).

Normally a private park, take advantage of this shindig every Friday through August 1st for a festive, laid-back hoe-down great for the family or just suckin’ down a cheap cold beer while you wiggle your toes in the grass. But bring your own bamboo umbrellas.

Sunnyside Gardens Park
Fridays at 7:00 p.m. through August 1st
718-672-1555
48-21 39th Avenue
Between 48th and 50th Streets
(7 train to 46th Street)
Sunnyside, New York

SPRINGSTEEN OF THE WEEK! SPRINGSTEEN OF THE WEEK!

THE GROCERY SHOPPING CREW

From Trouble River:

Woke up last night a’shakin’
Shakin’ from a dream
All I seen was smilin’ faces
Starin’ back at me

Trouble river
Six foot high and risin’
Trouble river
I can’t keep from cryin’

Look at the photos. Check out the crazy eyes. Spell it with me: T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

In the words of the Dolph Lundgren in Rocky IV, they “WILL BREAK YOU.”

How did they get here? The sky parted and they floated down on clouds.

Who are they? Rusty Chapman. Amy Tunis. Anthony Tunis. Sebra Chapman. (She looks sweet in this photo. Do not be deceived. )

What are they? Americans. Badasses. Success Stories. Grocery Shoppers.

What is a grocery shopper?

Grocery Shoppper \’gros-ery ’shop-ur\ noun <slang>

1: Anyone who purchases, or takes (with or without consent), items to go that otherwise would be consumed on the premises.

2: I coined the term from my future brother-in-law Matthew Chumard (pictured above) , a Philly native, who will walk up to Pat’s and buy 10 cheesesteaks and freeze nine of them. Grocery shopping. He will come over to your house and right before he leaves, wrap two pieces of bread in a napkin. “See yous later.” Grocery shopping.

My point is. These guys took grocery shopping to another level.

When faced with an extra two shots of Jack Daniels in the pretentious Oyster Bar Saloon, Anthony Tunis said, “I don’t give a shit. I’m from Arizona” and he dumped the booze into a water bottle. Sebra “the destroyer” Chapman quickly slipped it into a Sebra’s backpack and we were on our way.

Rusty Chapman has seen disappointment. He has felt pain. But on his last night in town he would not accept failure. When he couldn’t force down his last Indian empanada in the restaurant, Amy Tunis shouted, “PUT IT IN YOUR POCKET!” He calmly picked up his fat booze-filled hand, unzipped his cargo short pocket and stuffed it right in. Half an hour later, riding the N train, he yanked that empanada right out of his pocket, toasted his crew like it was a martini, and stuffed it down his pie hole.

Sebra Chapman, outrunning the rest of our crew of runners, stopped to “dance it out” until we caught up to her. She also had to courage to sing multiple “B-Girl” songs at Pub karaoke. She shoved it right down that crowd’s throat. And took their dignity. She grocery-shopped it.

Be afraid of this crew. Be very, very afraid.

Quotes:

Amy Tunis: (referring to Rusty walking up the stairs) Look at you, you BOW-LEGGED FREAK!

Rusty Chapman: (while straddling me passed out in bed) My liver is crushing your liver! My liver is pumping twice as fast as yours! See, Nate thinks he’s gonna lose weight, do Yoga, but he can’t handle this! (My fiance finally had to intervene to restrain him. “Leave him alone!” Grocery shoppers have no mercy.)

Anthony Tunis: What? I can’t be drunk . . . another rum and coke please.

Sebra Chapman: You can’t talk to me while I run. (And we didn’t.)

Special Drink:

The Russian Gentleman

A savory yet gritty beverage of Gentleman’s Jack, Kahlua and milk. It will rock your world. And maybe someone else close to you, by aftershock.

Theme Song:

Short People from the album Little Criminals by Randy Newmann
(Possibly the most disturbing performance in modern live music history. Watch it. You will lose your mind.)

Springsteen of the Week? Easy. Cakewalk. It was such a total domination of the greater NYC area, who knows . . . these guys could be candidates for Springsteen of the YEAR! If I don’t give it to them, they’ll probably grocery-shop it from me. Stay tuned as the story unfolds!

-BSOQ

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